Are You Afraid to Be Alone?

Someone asked me the other day what I liked best about living alone.
"Sole possession of the remote control?" (with a nod to Sandra Bullock)

While the conversation that ensued was thoroughly enjoyable, the question itself got me thinking.

When I was growing up, I knew a lot of girls who simply could not stand to be without a boyfriend. You know the type.

It was so freaking annoying. Honestly, it still is, only now they just get "married" over and over. And over. And over.

So for a lot of years, I sort of carried around this idea that the whole "afraid to be alone" mentality was pretty much a female thing.

Now, I'm not so sure.

From my observations, there are a lot of very emotionally/mentally/physically healthy women out here living alone and doing so with grace, style, vitality and peace.

The men? Not so much.

Why is that? Why is it that the so-called stronger ones are so collossally terrified of being on their own?

Not that I'm talking about anyone I was once married to.
Or anyone that was once married to my sister.
Or anyone that was once married to my best friend.
Or anyone that happens to be the father of one of my god-daughters.
Or any one of a number of the guys I used to work with in the PD.

So what is the deal?

Even the guys who do manage to set themselves up in a living space can't seem to do it with anything approaching the panache of the single women. A tv, a fridge, an (unmade) bed and a microwave oven. Oh, and don't forget that behemoth recliner! Done! Puh-leeze!
(note: don't believe me? Six words: "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".)

Women I know have beautifully appointed rooms, welcomingly arranged furniture, eye-catching art... spaces that show who they are while being open to others. These rooms, these homes, are all about interaction, connectedness, sharing, conversations flowing from one to another... relationships.

Relationships with family, friends, lovers, art, beauty, intellectual pursuits, the world.

I guess when you have all of those relationships flourishing in your life you don't have to tremble at the mere hint of some solitude.

Because you enjoy your own company, in your relationship with the peace and quiet of your own space, your own thoughts, your own security.

Pretty much the idea of being a grown-up.